My Immortal Rewrite
by OwlCatNeedsANap
Summary: My attempt at a redoing of the infamous My Immortal fan fiction, in which I will try o do the impossible: make it somewhat less awful. Wish me luck, and please don't judge me too hard.
1. Chapter 1

Okay so here's the deal: a while back me and a friend of mine were talking, and the topic of rewriting the infamous My Immortal fanfiction to make it something that was at least somewhat not totally shitty came up. We joked about it for a while, but we both agreed that no, no it probably couldn't be done. Recently, I decided to share the legend of that story with my sisters, and that got me thinking back to the conversation about rewriting it. So yeah. Here we are. I'm about to attempt the impossible. Be warned that A: it'll still most likely be shit, and B: I will have to dramatically change and/or completely edit out some parts because not only am I uncomfortable with writing sex scenes, but there are also just some places in here that are like mass infections: they need to be cut out if there's any hope of salvaging the rest. Here we go, wish me luck.

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Chapter 1.

 **OAN (Original Author's Note): Special fangs, (get it?), to my friend Raven for helping me with the editing on this story. You rock! Also, shout-out to Justin as well. You're the love of my otherwise dreary life, so I want to thank you, just in case you're reading this. P.S: MCR is the greatest!**

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Hello. My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. A bit of a mouthful, yes, but I'm quite fond of it nonetheless. Before I go any further, I'd like to clarify that I am not related to Gerard Way, though I wish I was, because having the type of genes that can create someone that attractive in my bloodline would be great.

My namesake is the ebony black hair, streaked with bits of purple and red that rests against my mid-back. Of course, those streaks of color were not present when I received my name, as hair-dye is not something that newborn infants typically have access to. Instead, I possessed a few small tufts of pitch-black hair upon my pale infant scalp, which became the inspiration for my first name. As for the rest of it, those are all family names that neither of my parents could bear to be without. The result was a five word, twelve syllable long name that I usually try to avoid mentioning the entirety of. It's a little hard to introduce yourself to someone when you basically have to word vomit all over them.

I'm often told that I resemble Amy Lee, which I believe may be due to the combination of my dark hair and icy blue eyes. I'm always pleased to hear this, as not only do I admire Amy Lee for her looks, but I'm also quite a big fan of her work. Being compared to someone you hold a great amount of respect for is always a good thing.

However, I'm afraid that there are quite a few traits that Amy and I do not share, primarily those regarding magic. As amazing as she may be, Amy Lee is still, sadly, a muggle, possessing no magic outside of her musical talent. I on the other hand, am not only a witch, but a vampire at that. Luckily for me, as well as those others like me, the English magic school, Hogwarts, is actually rather accepting of the more, shall we say, different, young witches and wizards. In fact, the school recently had a movement in which it openly invited witches and wizards of non-human backgrounds, as well as made accommodations for their varying needs.

This caused quite an outrage amongst parents, particularly those belonging to the older, more traditional magical families. Nevertheless, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore stood his ground, stating calmly that any child capable of performing magic, regardless of whether or not they were entirely human, had every right to receive an education.

Fortunately for the concerned parents, there didn't wind up being that many non-human students attending the school, as very few creatures, even magical ones, are capable of performing the same feats of spellwork that human witches and wizards are. In fact, the only ones that seem able to are "changeling" creatures: beings that were once human before becoming what they are now. So basically that means werewolves and vampires.

Though it may seem dangerous to have beings notorious for going out of control and attacking people in a school full of human children, there were strict regulations and defenses set up to allow for the safest possible coexistence. For example, every full moon all werewolf students are taken out to the Shrieking Shack, where they can change as peacefully as possible, and not have to worry about harming anyone in their rogue state. The shack has been modified, after a particularly nasty incident involving the changed students attacking one another, so that every one of them has a room to themselves in which they can wait out the night. As for vampires, the drinking of human blood is strictly forbidden and will result in immediate expulsion. Instead, we are given a steady supply of blood from other sources so that we don't starve to death, and also don't have to be concerned with attacking anyone.

That being said, it should be noted that there still aren't very many non-human students at Hogwarts. In fact, despite the school's continuous pushing for acceptance and understanding of differences, there was a whole lot of hatred towards the few non-human students that walked the halls. This was usually a quiet, non-aggressive prejudice, but it has lead to a number of violent incidents involving human-vs-non-human fights. Just last month, a third-year werewolf girl from Ravenclaw had to be taken to St. Mungos after she was ambushed in the hallway by a group of seventh-year Gryffindor boys. I'm pretty sure two of the three boys were expelled, and the third got a really harsh detention, but that still doesn't change the fact that they probably would've killed her if Professor Sprout hadn't been walking by.

I've been fortunate enough so far to have not been the victim of one of these attacks, but I will admit that vampires are targeted far less often than the werewolves. This is most likely because vampires are a threat all of the time, versus werewolves who are really only a problem on the full moon. Despite that, I've still been the subject of more subtle hatred from my human peers, primarily in the form of exclusion, disgusted looks, nasty rumors, and other petty misdeeds.

In fact, I could feel the weight of their judgmental gazes upon me as I trudged outside the castle towards my next class. The weather was as dreary as my mood, with sleet-grey skies and an odd kind of precipitation that seemed to be both rain and snow at the same time. No wonder English weather gets a bad reputation; it's not even winter!

As I reluctantly dragged myself closer and closer towards my staring peers, I saw them back away and cluster together, a kind of disgusted fascination upon their faces as they ogled at me. I could see that a fair number of them were focusing their unwelcome gazes upon my mouth, no doubt hoping to catch a glimpse of the sharp, white fangs that lay beneath my black-painted lips. It was when a few of them began whispering to one another that I decided I couldn't stand it anymore. I thrust my right hand into the air and extended my middle finger, snarling at them in a display of pissed-off aggression. The threat worked, as the moment the saw my bared fangs they blanched and hurried away as fast as their pathetic human feet could carry them. Vampires are naturally much faster than humans, and I found myself daydreaming of what it would be like to chase them down. It would be oh so very easy, no trouble at all, to just rush after them. One blink of an eye and I'd be right behind them. I was stronger, too. I could easily overpower them, tackling them to the ground. Their frantic struggling would do nothing, and I'd have them completely under my control. Once I had them down, then it would be easy, _oh so very easy_ , to open my mouth, lean down, and…

I was snapped out of my reverie by a voice from behind me.

"Hi Ebony!" Shouted the voice. I turned my head, searching for the source, and greeted with the sight of Draco Malfoy, standing only a few yards away from me. Funny, I hadn't even heard him coming. Vampires were naturally much quieter than humans when they wanted to be, but we were also gifted with above average senses, meaning despite Draco's vampiric abilities, I still should have been able to detect him approaching. I guess I was just really caught up in my thoughts.

"Oh, hey! What's up Draco?" I asked. I wasn't really sure what else to say. Despite being in the same house, as well as both being vampires, Draco and I never really talked. Of course, that's not to say that there isn't a reason for that fact, as, well… I may or may not have a bit of a thing for him, which makes talking to him kind of a challenge. It's just a tad bit awkward to converse with someone when your mind keeps trying to photoshop out their clothing. Casual conversation is difficult when it's with a person whose ass is a continuous feature of your daydreams.

"Oh you know, nothing much." He responded. Was it just me, or did he seem a little… flustered? As usual, being in his presence for longer than five seconds was causing my train of thought to take an abrupt and high-speed detour straight down south into dirty-land. The fact that he seemed shy talking to me really wasn't helping the situation either. In fact, the light blush on his cheeks was just accelerating the mental journey southwards, as I found myself thinking about how great that color would look on the rest of his body, specifically whilst it was underneath mine.

To be honest, I'm not sure whether or not I would've said anything back to him, because at the time I really didn't trust my mouth to open without releasing some form of lewd statements about him, and I don't think that would've been a good way to continue the conversation. As I said, I don't really talk to him all that much, so it would be several worlds of awkward to spring sexual commentary on someone who you rarely interact with. Like, "oh hey there person-I-hardly-ever-talk-to! Hot damn do I wanna grab that fine as of yours!" That's not exactly the best way to start a relationship, you know?

Lucky for me, I was spared the potential embarrassment of either having to say nothing and just awkwardly stand there or say something and risk that something be about the desire to place my mouth on his mouth, because I heard a friend of mine calling me. I gladly took the opportunity to escape, and politely nodded in Draco's direction before bolting away towards my friend, hoping against hope that no one around me had suddenly developed mind reading powers. There are some things that should never be known, and the thoughts I was having in that moment are definitely on the list.

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 **OAN: Is it good? Please tell me! Thanks in advance!**

 **AN: Yeah hi this is me. And yeah, I actually would like to know what you guys think of this. Should I continue, or am I just somehow managing to make it even worse than it already was? Constructive criticism is totally welcome. I just really wanna know what you guys think of this.**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hello. It's me. I'm back, with more of whatever the fuck this trainwreck is. Let's go.

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 **OAN: 'Fangs' again to my friend Raven, (her name on here is bloodytearz666 by the way, just in case any of you wanna go check her out), for helping me with the chapter! Oh and by the way, to those of you who flamed this story, (you know who you are), I would very much appreciate it if you could not do that anymore, thanks. It's just plain rude and there's no need for that.**

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. It's a cliché, yes, but I personally think that it's fun. Just to clarify; no, vampires do not actually have any form of need to sleep in coffins. Those of us who do are only doing it because we feel like it. And it's kinda funny, so there's that too. Vampires actually have a tendency to use a lot of the stereotypes ironically, mirrors being one of them. It's a running joke amongst those of us in the school to apply clothing or makeup in a horrendously incorrect manner, and then use the excuse that we couldn't see ourselves and therefore didn't know any better. Of course, we are fully capable of seeing our reflections. I don't know how that stupid myth came around, but it makes no sense at all. Why the hell wouldn't we have reflections? Honestly, muggles can come up with the most ridiculous shit sometimes.

I pushed up the lid of my coffin, being extra careful not to just launch the thing off at mach five and have it slam onto the ground. Some days I would do that on purpose, purely for the joy of aggravating my roommate, but both of us had a pretty intense night last night studying for the barrage of exam bullshit that was coming up, so I figured that a rude awakening was really not the best idea right now.

So, I'm not really sure how it works in other dorms, but the Slytherin dorm is pretty big on luxury. This is probably because a vast number of the children from old, rich pureblood families end up in here, and they've never gone a day in their lives without having whatever they wanted. So the Slytherin common room is actually pretty high class. Because no one really wants to be in a room full of other people, the dorms were split so that people only had to share with one person max, and could even have the room all to themselves.

This rooming strategy ended up being extremely helpful for the inclusion of vampires because… well… without going into too much detail, let me just say that you really do not want a vampire, especially a teenage vampire, sharing a room with a bunch of other people. Hell, sharing with even one person was a pretty risky move. The only reason Willow and I were fine rooming together is because we're blood sisters, meaning the same vampire bit us at relatively the same time. Blood sibling vampires don't have the same issues around each other as they do around anyone else, because they don't get attracted to each other. But let me just say that you do not want a vampire sharing a room with anyone other than a blood sibling, and that goes quadruple for teenaged ones. With the information I have just provided, you should probably be able to piece together why that is on your own.

The weather today was as shitty as it was yesterday, which I had some mixed emotions about. On one hand, that meant no sunlight, which was good because I really don't do great in sunlight. I don't exactly catch fire or anything like the myths say I would, but I do get really awful sunburns, as well as heatstroke, just by standing in direct sunlight for over five minutes, so I still do my best to avoid it. On the other hand however, this weather sucked. Like seriously, what is with all of this grey freezing rain bullshit? It's cold, it's wet, and it's the worst. When the earth was created, was there some kind of like, poll or something in which it was decided that the weather in England must always be fucking awful? Because I swear, unicorns are more common than a day of decent weather out here, and by decent I don't even mean sunny, I just mean anything that isn't this wet freezy crap.

After a significant amount of effort, I finally managed to detach my ass from the comfort of my coffin and get up. The oversized band t-shirt that I used for pajamas flapped against my knees as I stumbled over towards the fridge, still groggy from sleep. I swung open the door and surveyed my options, before deciding on a bottle near the back labeled A-negative. The date on it was the closest to expiring, and I don't really have much of a taste preference in the first place, so there was no sense in letting a perfectly good bottle of blood go to waste. I chugged it down, accidently spilling some on my face due to my morning-time lack of coordination, and staggered back towards my coffin, nearly tripping over it when I arrived.

I finished the bottle in record speed, and changed out of my pajamas. I didn't allow myself to look back towards my coffin, as I knew that the allure of sleep would be too powerful for me to fight off, and I'd wind up missing class. Again.

A noise from my right caused me to look over, and I saw the lid of my roommate, Willow's, coffin rising. Willow herself emerged a moment later, her long black and pink hair all mussed up from sleep, and her forest-green eyes still a little foggy. She spotted me and a lazy grin crossed her face, as she slowly hauled herself up.

After Willow was finished getting dressed, which took a little longer than it probably should have due to her still being half-asleep, we both walked over to our bathroom to finish getting ready. Yet another perk of the Slytherin common rooms: personal bathrooms.

I ended up having to help her with her makeup, as she was currently not in a state in which she was capable of applying it herself without winding up looking like a clown on acid. Willow and mornings have never been the best combination.

As I was spreading the white foundation across her already pale face, (this was really more to cover up any blemishes that may be present rather than to change coloration), she donned a mischievous grin that immediately set off warning bells in my head.

Sure enough, when she opened her mouth I did not like the words that came out of it.

"Soooo…." She began. I could see red flags flying across my field of vision: that voice never meant anything good. "I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday." She continued, much to my dismay.

"Yeah? So what?" I replied defensively. Of course, I already knew "what", as her tone of voice had made it very clear exactly what she was getting at here, but I wasn't about to make this any easier for her.

" _Sooo..._ do you like, _like_ , Draco?" she asked, her shit-eating grin somehow getting even wider as she said it. Her tone of voice made it very clear that she already knew the answer, and she was just being a little bitch about it. Ah yes, classic friendship.

I huffed and angrily jabbed the eyeliner pencil straight at her eye, which only made her giggle. I had managed to finish the rest of her makeup and make it into the great hall before she repeated the question, barely managing to hold in her sniggering this time.

"No! No I so fucking don't, why the hell would you think that?" I whisper-shouted at her. But there was no real venom in my words, because both of us knew that I was only saying it for show.

"Mhm. And I'm a donkey. A world in which you don't have a thing for Draco Malfoy is a world in which I'm a donkey." She replied, luckily having the sense to keep her voice down as she said it. Best friend or not, if she went shouting that to the entire school, I would beat her to death with her own spine.

"Well I don't know, you certainly are acting like a real ass right now." I whispered back to her. She laughed, but before she could say anything else, take a wild guess who decided to show up. I'll give you a hint; he's numbers 1-200 on my 'to-do' list.

"Hi Ebony." Draco said as he walked up to me.

"Oh, uh, hey Draco!" I replied, doing my best to sound seductive, but without making it obvious exactly how much I wanted his pants off at the moment. From the way Willow was snickering, I don't think I was doing a very good job of it.

Draco thankfully didn't seem to notice, as he just kept on talking without skipping a beat.

"So, guess what?" He said, and I could've sworn that I heard that hint of shyness in his voice again.

"What?" I asked, playing along. Goddamn did I hope the answer was something along the lines of "hey I really wanna make out with you."

"Well, so, you know Good Charlotte?" He asked. I raised my eyebrows at him as I nodded my head vigorously. "Just checking. Well, they're having a concert in a muggle village near Hogsmeade tonight, and I was wondering if…."

I didn't quite catch the last part of what he said, because he broke off into a mumble as he focused his gaze onto the ground, staring at it with such intensity that you'd think it had seriously wronged him somehow.

"Holy shit! I love GC! And sorry, but what did you say? I didn't exactly catch that last part." I said. Good Charlotte is my second favorite band, right behind My Chemical Romance. I've been dying to go to one of their concerts for years now, but I've never been able to find the time.

Draco's eyes hinted strongly that he was screaming on the inside, and I could have sworn I saw hints of rosy pink begin to highlight his otherwise pale face. Once again, my brain began to skip merrily down the road to sexy-land, as I tried (and failed) to avoid thinking about how great that color would look on certain… _other_ parts of his body. I think I might have accidently been drooling a little or something, because Willow was starting to turn blue in the face from trying to hold back laughter. I felt my tongue peek out from between my black-painted lips as I dragged it slowly about the perimeter of my mouth, touching it lightly to the tips of my sharp fangs as I imagined sinking them deep into Draco's flesh and… yeah you get the idea. I'm going to stop now, but I will say this much; thank fuck for the fact that Draco wasn't looking at my face in that moment, because I'm pretty sure you'd have to be both blind and severely naïve not to recognize the look I was giving him.

After another few moments of Draco staring at the floor and attempting to gather himself, he finally took a deep breath and lifted his head up so that he was looking me in the eye. I'd spent the last couple seconds trying desperately to change my facial expression into one that was a little less… lewd. I'm pretty sure I had some degree of success, as Draco didn't seem to think anything was off when he looked at me. Of course, there is the possibility that I looked just as lascivious as before, and he was too caught up to notice, but I didn't really care because either way it meant that I had been spared the embarrassment of Draco Malfoy figuring out exactly how much I wanted to fuck him.

"Well, I was uh, I was wondering if… youwouldmaybeliketogowithmeorsomething?" he stuttered out, before fixing his gaze solidly on the floor, nervousness evident in every aspect of his being. It took me a moment to process what he just said, but once I finally did I couldn't believe my luck.

"Holy fuck, YES!" I shouted, so loudly that I startled a nearby second year, who nearly fell over in surprise. I didn't care though, because this was probably the greatest moment of my life. My mind was already forming several fantasies about the night, many of which went in a direction that was decidedly not for children, and all of which involving at least a few moments of checking out Draco when he wasn't paying attention. It was the perfect situation really, because not only to I get to go to a concert for one of my favorite bands, but I also get to spend a significant amount of time in the presence of Draco Malfoy and his magnificent ass. And hey, who knows? Maybe I'll have enough luck on my side to finally get real up close with said ass. A girl can dream.

The rest of my day was spent eagerly anticipating the evening, as thoughts of the concert flashed through my head. True, many of these thoughts were ones I desperately tried to suppress for fear of accidently muttering them out loud, but sexual daydreams aside, I couldn't wait until tonight. This was going to be fantastic.


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